I can't believe it has been over two years since we arrived here in New Zealand. It seems like this has always been my home. I still miss many things about South Africa, mostly the very special people that made up my tribe. The people who made me who I am today. There is nothing like uprooting and leaving the country of your birth to make you realise the value you had in the people around you.
For most of my life I had lots of friends who probably, if I am totally honest, were mostly surface level friends. I am not sure why, but I seem to keep most people at arms length, that was until a few years before we immigrated to New Zealand.
I had started really developing as a coach and probably because of the work that I was doing on myself as I discovered these new tools, I started to realise that even though I felt like I didn't really need people, I actually did and I started to become a little more intentional about opening up to deep friendships. The reward (and heartbreak) was that I developed a few really deep and beautiful friendships which was very heartbreaking when I had to say goodbye. We still chat and keep in touch but it isn't the same as sitting across egg's Benedict's and cappuccinos or Smash Avo on rye toast or one poached egg on rye with a coffee on the side. Funny how most of those friendships were fostered and grown over good coffee and food.
There is something really powerful about the way we humans connect with each other. I believe we were designed to work well in community. There is something really awesome about how we can spur each other on, encourage each other and carry each other through the dark times. Some people just make us better! There was a group of ladies I used to meet up with every Thursday, we always
ordered the same thing, Poached egg on rye and coffee. There was something very special about those breakfast's, and I often wish I could be teleported in when life gets complicated, because there was an authenticity and raw honesty I had never experienced before. I have been thinking recently what made it so special so I can be intentional about creating a space for these kinds of friendships to grow again. Of course it will never be exactly the same because we can never replace people in our lives, but we can replicate the environment and foster new relationships. Here is how....
Consistency: We met every week, whether there were two or ten, we all knew that someone would be there. There was no agenda or program, just a space to connect on a regular basis.
Priority: We made this meeting a priority, but it wasn't a forced "you have to be there or else", we all wanted to be there and unless there was something we couldn't get out of, we were there.
Give & take: They was a genuine honor for one another and there were days where someone needed to have a good moan, cry or just vent or even celebrate. We honored that person by listening and loving because we knew one day we would need that space. We wept with them through the disappointments, we understood when they were livid with an injustice and we rejoiced with them through life's joyous moments.
No Judgement: We knew without a shadow of a doubt that what we shared in that group would be held in confidence and that no matter what we said we would not be judged. We sometimes got to hear the truth if we stepped over the line and dishonored someone, but we were never ever judged. There was a deep grace extended.
I hope that you will pursue this thing called friendship and that you will find your tribe and as you become intentional about creating friendships that honor and build you and others, that you would perhaps try some of these things to develop them.
Tell me about some of the ways that you connect with your tribe.......