I recently went on a trip to New Zealand that turned out to be more than what I expected it to be. The occasion was celebrating my little big brothers 40th. While I was there I thought I would connect with some of my facebook friends in New Zealand and wrote a few emails letting them know that I would be in the country and expressed an interest in connecting with them.
It was an incredible trip, with some amazing God moments which are only starting to land now. In the week since I have been back I have realised that something has shifted inside of me. I have come back with a sense of identity. I can’t quiet pinpoint exactly what it is yet, and I haven’t quite got the words to describe it. In expressing myself to a few close friends, the closest I have come to expressing myself is with sounds and movement. lol. which I have no idea how to express in writing.
There were a few keys moments of realisation and revelation during this trip, one of them being the reason why I have been so slack with this blog. I realised actually on the way to NZ that I haven’t being contributing because I have been holding back, and writing what I think people wanted to hear. So because I have a high value for honesty and integrity, I just didn’t write. So from now on, whether anyone reads these blogs or now, I am going to be honest and open and naked!
Which made me realise that when we are feeling insecure, our high need for safety will make us cover up and close ourselves off to others, when you are in this position you cannot give anything away, because you are holding on to what little you have.
I landed up forgetting my iPad behind in SA which had everything on it that I thought I had to offer others, but in doing that what I discovered was that I actually carried something more precious than the “learned” knowledge that I had to refer to and that it was just there and as I decided to allow myself to be stretched and grow and as I fell in love with the people of New Zealand and allowed myself to pour what little I had in me, God in me, started to multiply it and I experienced favour and insight like I have never before. And from the feedback I have received it seems I have, without that being the intent, left a mark.
What are you holding on to that is blocking the flow?